Sobriety - why?

Sobriety is something I have been thinking about for a while. I am 51 years old and have been drinking since I was 14 years old. This is a long time, and has seen various consequences in my life. I come from a long line of alcoholics, so I've seen the damage that alcohol can do to people; physically and emotionally.

But I didn't need to worry because my drinking was all about choice, until it wasn't. Well it sort of still was, but I couldn't be bothered to choose not to drink. And eventually I looked forward to it in the morning when I woke up. In the school holidays, sometimes I would start drinking at 11am. But not every day, because that was my choice.

When I was younger, sometimes my drinking made me antisocial, unsafe and obnoxious. But in the last 10 years or so it didn't anymore. I was choosing to drink and be sensible. I might talk too loud or dance on my own, sometimes I even did yoga, but I made the choice not to be antisocial anymore.

But addiction is a slippery slope. There are other things going on in my life but alcohol allowed me the choice not to deal with them. I was too busy thinking about drinking, planning drinking sessions, drinking, waking up at 4am feeling bad about my drinking and then in the morning hungover and regretting my drinking. Having another drink made me feel better, physically at least, and so the cycle started again.

I had made the choice to be a "high functioning alcoholic". It sounds so glamorous, so NOW. But then is was just a drag. So I may be having a mid-life crisis a bit later than some and it may have something to do with being on the wrong side of 50 and menopause. But now I am making the choice to be sober. I'm day 38 and there have been highs and lows, but I'm still going.